I've lost touch.
Not on purpose, naturally. But life gets in the way.
The days turn to weeks and you just forget.
The reason I started this was to never forget.
To remember how I felt. How this is my life, not one that I am watching from the outside in silence. I am trying to remember to play an active role in it.
Much has happened. And I'll do a quick recap to not spend hours on it, which I probably will anyways... So my last published piece was June... An immense amount of things have happened..
Well I fell in love in a hopeless place, B has become this person, my person, in my life that has washed every doubt of inadequacy that I have ever felt in my life away from me in a way that I never thought I could feel or know or be deserving of.
It has been a beautiful surprise, one that I thought would never exist, but he does and we are here.
Life changes has led me to being back in the service industry, being in management, gross yet yay. My employees humble me through their strength, love, and ability to persevere through their own personal trials. It has been not only the biggest headache I have literally ever had, but the most rewarding headache. I do love them, but don't exactly love waking up at 4:30 AM on purpose...
My health has been better since I'm back on the ole pill. That majestic pill that stops pregnancy (not mine other peoples), and psycho ass Kelsey. Who would have thought.
But I know if I have missed it, because I will sit in the car and sob uncontrollably to a video of Mr. Roger's testifying in front of the Senate for more funding for public television from 1969...yo girl chill...
So the pain is better, minus the swelling. But beggers can't be chosers...
I hate that saying.
I'm not a raging alcoholic anymore, which is better.. for my liver.... and the bank account.. that also being said when I do have a drink every once in awhile... I'll have a headache for 13 1/2 days. It's literally the worst. I guess this is 27?
I am trying to be a better person. Trying to be a better leader. Trying to show that I am not this unstable little unicorn that I used to be.
I'm not as good at this as I used to be. Not as poetic or well-spoken. And I definitely still don't have it all together. But did we really expect that to happen..
But. I guess what I am trying to say is: I am still alive. I am going to try to be more consistent, with my stories of meaningful life shit. Perhaps a decent story every once in a while.
Like Mr. Rogers and children, but mine will be to adults who need to feel someone gets it. Because that's what ties most people together; their ability to be understanding and relate.
