Friday, June 3, 2016

At a Loss



I don't understand.

Today, I attended a funeral.  One that I would have hoped to never have to attend.
My dear friend. One of the closest girlfriends I have had in years.
She lost her baby.

He was fighting an uphill battle from the very beginning.
He was a strong one, though.

What do you say.  What do you do in these situations.  How do you help.  

There is no right answer, and most of the time, you can do nothing.
You let them know you love them, and you are there for them.

It's this feeling of trying to figure out how they feel and try to do right by them.

I can never feel what they feel.  Only those who have lost can understand, kind of.

Everyone's pain is different; everyone's loss is different.

I try and imagine; I can't.

They are such good people.  How does something like this happen to good people.

I don't understand.

I have been struggling with faith for sometime now, especially with motherhood being ripped from my hands, but through all this, I can only feel that this little, innocent baby was taken to Heaven.
I have to believe that.
I have to believe that he was called up for a bigger reason than any of us could possibly understand.
I have to believe that there is more and that the pure existence isn't just a cruel joke that means nothing.  

This life is not about just happiness; is it about finding joy even in the hardest of times.  We live this life on earth to understand and learn what it is to love, and what it is to feel pain.
You cannot truly have one without the other.

I was told when I was younger that God tests the strong ones to see if we can persevere.
That was a way to push forward and I have to believe this is true.

I pray for all who have ever gone through this.  I pray no one ever has to endure a casket that small.  I pray that any one who does have to go through something so tragic, keeps the strong faith and love that I witnessed between those two who lost their child.

I pray that she knows that, even though her son was given to God so early,  she is still a mother.
I have to try to understand.

1 comment:

  1. How terrible and sad. I'm so sorry and my condolences to your friends. I can't even imagine how painful it must be to bury your children.