Monday, April 4, 2016

The Ex Files: Part Three: Brew

This might actually be the hardest one to write.

I met him right before my 20th birthday.  He had just moved next door to my boyfriend at the time.
My first impression was: fun, cute, and a mess.

He had become my best friend, and I can honestly say I had no romantic feelings for him in the beginning.   Thinking back at it now this might be gross to say but, I viewed him like a big brother. 

He and I would stay up late at night drinking and laughing and talking.  The night we truly became best friends, he and I were up still after everyone else had gone to bed and we were dancing to
I Get Around by the Beach Boys in his kitchen.  We were laughing and yelling the words as he spun me around the kitchen. 
The first time I saw him naked was under the worst conditions.
We were playing my boyfriend at the time and our best friend in a game of beer pong. 
We were completely shut out.
We had to streak.
It was snowing.
We had to get naked run next door touch the door together, high-five, and run back.
I had never been streaking before. 
He took his clothes off like he was in the NBA. It was the most impressive swift movements I had ever seen.  
He had taken off before I had removed my first layer of pants to reveal my long-johns.

He was laughing.
This contagious laugh that makes everyone laugh.
The only things he said to me was nice tattoo...
We remained just friends until one night.
Tuesdays Gone came on and he disappeared. 
I went to go check on him and he was hiding his tears.
He has just lost his grandmother and was very upset, so I grabbed him and hugged him.

And that's when he kissed me and told me he loved me.

That's when everything changed.

My boyfriend and I broke up at the time, and I told him I was in love with someone else.

Then I got back together with the boyfriend a week later.
 It was a gigantic mess to say the least.

I loved them both for two different reasons.

It forever ruined that friendship.

We did end up dating for over a year, a year and a half later.
We moved in together and we had so many wonderful beautiful times together.

My favorite time was when he gave me a birth"week". 
For 7 days he did the sweetest things for me. 
The first night I will never forget. 
We use to go sit on the roof at our home, and that night, he took me up to the part where you can actually lay down and we drank a few beers and we laid out under the stars together.  It was simple but, sweet.  Which was his style.

But we couldn't get past me leaving him to be back with my ex the first time.
I started to depend on him too much.  I became bothersome and annoying.

I let my insecurities come back out, which killed us again.

We, too, grew apart.  I started letting myself get too comfortable and more of a burden.
And he really hated my bobby pins all over our house. 

Him and I might never be friends again.  I miss that the most though.  He was my best friend.
I wish him all the happiness in the world.  He is such a kind person, caring, loving, and I just want him to be happy. 

My past relationships have shaped me into who I am today.  In the past I have been sad about them but I am no longer sad about those past relationships because they happened and they were real and I know they loved me too. 
And they know they did.

Nothing will take away what me and any of my previous boyfriends have been through together.

I love all three of those men to this day.  All for different reasons. They helped me get through my darkest times whether they realize it or not, and have helped shape me into the strong, independent, goal-oriented beautiful person I am today.

And for that I will love them until I die. 

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