I know I promised I wouldn't get sappy and emotional, but they have me on these meds that make me feeling some type of way.
So get ready for getting 50 Shades of Uncomfortable.
I have begun the waiting game.
It's getting to a point in my life where I don't know what else to do, except live as normal as possible, without letting it creep into my mind at every moment.
Alcohol really helps.
I am still waiting to hear back from Dr. S to start preparing for the next step: Surgery.
I am so ready for the healing process to begin.
My mother had asked me if I really want to do this in the middle of the semester.
I want to heal physically, and mentally before I open a new chapter in my life.
I truly don't want to keep feeling like this is unfinished, like a haunting memory of something that could have been.
I think that when I finally do this last procedure I will be able to move past what seems like the hardest part of my life.
I know you have said that before.
"Today is the hardest/worst day of my life"
I remember when my boyfriend in the 7th grade cheated on me with the little blonde, and that was the "worst day of my life".
Is it? I will face much worse things in life I am sure of it.
I feel extremely blessed and fortunate in my life, because I could have had it so much worse.
I've never lost a child.
I haven't been trying for years to get pregnant with my husband.
I don't have cancer.
I don't have a terminal illness.
I truly am a lucky person.
I am happy for all my beautiful friends with children, and my pregnant friends. The life of happiness you get to face. A true blessing.
I do seek guidance from a higher power to show me a path that will best utilize me to my full potential.
I just don't like waiting. I don't like not knowing.
When I don't know what is going to happen I freak out, and go back to something that I am familiar with.
I am a runner.
Not in the aspect of actual running.
I use to get made fun of for my running, which is actually is quite comical within itself.
Like, gazelle one day out of the womb trying to figure it out.
It's not cute.
I am a joker. I don't deal with things. I run from it. I hide it under something until it goes away. I ruin friendships, relationships, and everything around me. I will run before you hurt me.
This is the first thing that I can't run from.
And I am terrified.