Something has been really been on my mind lately.
Let's back it up for a second..
So little information about me is I am a brat. A military one. We moved around constantly. The only consistent people in my life have been my family. I lucked out with them because they are awesome.
That being said we moved here the year I turned 16.
I was not a good kid. I did awful things. I made terrible decisions. I was young and rebellious. I have since grown-up, but I ruined a lot of relationships the first few years here.
Which has led me to now.
I have a lot of playground friends. Those are people I can call up a couple, grab a few brewskis with, and tear up the evening.
This has changed quite a bit since I've become "sick".
I don't feel well most of the time, so smashing 1942 isn't on the top of my list.
I have to really not feeling well to turn down my boo, Senor Julio.
When you can't play, what's the point of being around you?
I mean.. I know you are like, "Kelsey that's so silly. People hang out with you all the time. You have like 3,000 Facebook friends. 324 likes on a picture. You are so funny, and fun."
You are right. I am a lot of fun. I am extremely inappropriate. I like to people watch. I am actually kind of an asshole, but in a very douche-y, sweet way. I am salty, and sweet; the perfect combination.
But, I have gone my whole life being a Weekend Warrior, even a Tuesday Warrior.
I don't discriminate against the day of the week.
Why would I start attracting people now who don't go out. That's not my style.
Friendships are so weird; you, like, find a person that you get along with for longer than 15 minutes, you do stuff together, and then you like talk to them when you aren't together, but you don't want to sleep together. If you do, you violate the friendship and someone gets upset.
Friend-zone is so important if you don't want to completely ruin the chances of staying "just friends".
That's why They call me BK aka Boner Killer. I am very good at friend-zoning guys.
I have trouble holding on to women relationships. I am not sure why.
Me, I don't like using the bathroom at the same time. It's weird. I don't understand it. Why do we have to go in there together. I am actually kind of pee-shy.
I don't like going on and on about boys. I mean they are cool, but if I like him; I'll tell him. If he is making me mad; he will know. We don't have to talk about it.
I did have an amazing friendship once with a girl. I miss her a lot.
I just don't understand how to make them now. I don't understand how to walk up to another human being at this point and say, "Hey, I want you to come over to my house and watch 100 episodes of Law and Order: SVU with me because I don't ever feel well."
Good Luck on a Friday night.
A lot of people I like, that are woman, have children. It's hard to not feel upset, when it's not something we have in common, or that I can share with them. I am so happy for them, but I can't help but feel envious. Maybe that's why I have a tough time with it. Maybe, it's hard for me because I don't feel like a complete woman.
Does one ever get over that?