Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Can I love Something Other Than Myself.

So I have always wondered if I wanted children.

The idea of like sticky children walking around crying and yelling and destroying things.  It really freaks me out. Like why are they always that sticky. 
I was a nanny once and I realized I could not handle having 3 children.  I would end up drinking as much as their stay-at-home mom did. 
Don't worry I think they had an intervention for her and she is in rehab...
I have always seen myself, even a few years ago, adopting children.  At least one.  
I'm not sure why I just have.

I know what I am about to say is not the same thing at all; I get it. 
You don't have to tell me.
But May 25th of 2014, the greatest joy I have ever known was born.  Lane.
My girlfriend from Tulsa posted these pictures of this little baby thing, and I knew I had to have her.  

I was out drinking every night, and I was definitely in the craziest point in my life.
I had like blonde hair, bleach blonde hair.  And going through the worst break up of my life.

I am doing good now, but I was pretty psycho for a cool minute, not like burn our old place down psycho, but like raging alcoholic psycho. And I cut all my hair off.  It's fine. 

Anyways, I contacted my girlfriend from Tulsa, and told her that I had to have her.  
Baby Lane 
So she was mine.  I changed a lot because of her.  I had to like step up and not go out anymore and take care of my girl.  I wanted to like call her and check on her.  My parents were helpful when I had to work and stuff, but dude she was super cool.

I like her.

In a sense, she saved me.  I was on a path of destruction and she saved my liver from more scarring that I already have.
(That's a fact; my liver has scarring....That's a whole other story) 

But my point of this is that I didn't think, or know if I could love something like it was mine when I didn't have it. 
If that makes sense. 

But I could.  
I love her like she came from my loins. 
Yeah.. Loins. 

She sleeps with me every night. We hang out.  She barks when she hears something, so naturally I always feel safe.  I mean she isn't going to protect me because she is terrified, but I will get a pre-warning to, like, get strapped before things are about to pop off. 

I definitely think adoption is like a top consideration, if I decide to have children. 

Big Lane and Mommy. 
Or I'll just have 37 dogs.

Both are very plausible.

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