In honor of the eve of my least favorite "holidays", I would to address my inability to "understand" "dating".
I have previously stated that I am chronic bad dater. This is a fact.
I am very confused on the mannerisms of females and how they get guys to take them to the next level from stay the night to keep a toothbrush at there living quarters.
I can say I am pretty solid at first dates.
That being said, I could talk to the wall for 2 hours; let's be real.
I will ask you questions about yourself, such as your interest, your top 50 "favorites" of things, and tell me an interesting story. I am there because I am interested in you. I try not to study your Facebook profile before the date. Because God knows, I'll know your mom's name, sister's birthday, and what you got your ex Sarah from three years ago on her birthday, which is March 13th, all before you pick me up.
I am going to be nice to the server/bartender because I've been there, and you have more than likely been there. That being said, I will walk home from our date if you are mean to the person who is serving us. That just means you are a mean person and I probably hate you already.
I am myself. Do not. Do not expect me to get a salad as my whole meal unless I am feeling on some leafy green. I am not modest with food. That being said, DO NOT take me to get wings as a date until like date, at least, four. I will suck the bone dry, bro. No one needs to see that. I will be covered in sauce, and I will more than likely tuck in one of my 38 napkins into my shirt to spare the saucy goodness from leaving stains on my white shirt.
I am good at being myself, which is hard for the first date. Mostly because I will have a glass of whiskey before we get to where we are going.
That being said I have run into issues that I have no idea how to fix.
How do I take it to the next level.
What if I am feeling it more than the other person.
That's the biggest factors because the guys I want to date are the ones that don't want a girlfriend.
When I like someone 9 times out of 10 they are way more attractive than me. At least to me they are in my opinion so I get weirdly self-conscious that I am going to be out like last years iPhone, or the term wonder-wench.
*wonder-wench means sweetheart.
I am going to bring it back
I might be clingy, if I like someone I want to talk to them all the time, or like hang out with them. I feel that is the point of it. When I really like someone, I feel more of a burden rather than invited. I think that has to do with my inability to read men, or that I rapid fire sent 40 emojis depicting the song "Get Low" by Lil Jon and the Eastside Boys.
I am an overly blunt person. I can't play hard to get. This was an issue in my last long term relationship. He said I was "too available". I am not good at saying no to something I want to do it because they need to "miss me" in order to want to be with me. I say what I feel, when I feel it.
I don't expect guys to read me and know what I am feeling when I say I am fine and I am not.
So I don't like to be expected to act like I don't give a shit, when I clearly do.
I have asked a few of my guy friends the question
What makes you want to take the "relationship" from talking to girlfriend.
The most common answer has been, after good conversation and physical attributes, was
If she hasn't slept with my friends.
That was the most common answer.
I think I am pretty awesome. I am relatively confident. I can laugh at myself. I can be myself. Joke with you. I am very educated; in the three S's (streets, sheets, and school).
I have an at least 6.7 face, and an 8 butt. I tell corny pick-up lines and make unfiltered comments. I like taking my guy on dates. I like to do thoughtful stuff to let you know I am thinking about you.
What is comes down to is:
Are you better than the other girl they have potential with?
Do they see you as their wife one day?
Do they actually want a relationship, with you.
Some people will say, I don't want a relationship, or I am not in a place that I want a relationship, translation this means in a nice way, I still want the ability to sleep with other people if I want to, OR I do not see myself married to you and I don't want to waste my time.
I get it. We are young. You want to date around see other people, "around the world in 80 days" this. I really do get it.
I worry that the person I will want to be with, will never see me as a person they want to settle down with.
I don't know how to do this.
I am worried I will end up traveling the world alone when all I want to do is take pictures all over the world eating GoGurt.
Not, because it's the best yogurt but, it's travel ready and so am I.